Pause for the cause
Why being unemployed in the lockdown is the best thing for me.
I’ve been unemployed for 4 months now.
This was an informed decision. I consciously decided to quit even though everyone I spoke to about the plan warned me how it is not a good idea to be unemployed at this time.
My boss, a tech guru, a design thinking coach, a startup finance mentor, a psychologist, a chief operating officer, my friends — all told me not to do it or at least, find another job first.
They all said that — finding a job is a challenge.. companies are laying off.. there are pay cuts.. the economy is down.. that it is counter-intuitive and contradicts all common-sense.
Yes, I listened and thanked them for their advice. But I went and did it anyway.
All I said was I wanted to explore. And they wished me well on my journey.
To set the context, this is the perspective of someone who has never had a break after college and it was my first job that I left out of. And I know that I would not have been able to sustain being unemployed if not for the support of my loving parents. I feel really grateful that I have their blessing in this soul-searching phase of my life.
So what have I been doing and why am I surprisingly upbeat about this?
I was able to explore, for sure! But not places, though. Since we can’t really travel outside, the journey we can only take is inside. I was able to introspect and understand myself more. Had it not been for the lockdown, I would have gone off to a beach somewhere and perhaps, spent more than I should. It made for a really cheap soul-searching experience.
The first thing I did — declutter. Do away with everything that did not serve me any purpose or did not feel like “me”. I sent my TV, old PS3 console, books, and clothes back to my cousins in the province. Sold what I could on Carousell for extra cash. Donated some old toys to kids in Philippine Toy Library. Deleted all unnecessary email, unsubscribed to unused platforms including Netflix, and deleted my Facebook and Instagram account. I trimmed it all down to my core essentials. Really, like what most people are learning now, I can live with less.
Next — reconnect. Admittedly, communication in my family was not the best. But recently, we have been chatting a lot. I made a group chat called “Bondoc Fam” where everyone including my titas and titos are added. Mama likes our video calls. The conversations are more frequent and honest. They have reintroduced me to our family situation and roots. Through this, I learned that I have Lumad blood in me, that my father actually knows the Binukid language and that my Tita works with the Indigenous community in Bukidnon! That just shows how society has alienated me from my roots. There is a deep family culture that I can go back to.
Then — meditate. I went to a place of peace and total silence where I can hear no one else but myself. It has been insane how much I talk to myself lately. I have been learning how valuable it is to listen to my inner voice. Meditation and journaling, when done with intention, is good practice. Back in college, I was not enjoying it while I went through that engineering degree that my parents wanted for me. I ignored my gut feelings then and went through it like I would be happy when I finish. Well, that’s the cost of not listening to intuition. But no remorse there! Hearing my Tatay yell out “YES!” when my name got called up on graduation made it all worth it.
I now discover that this behavior of letting other people or the environment set the course of my life went on to continue in that job I left.
Lastly — learn. I picked up a few hobbies. Read a book. Got my bass and learned that short riff of “My girl”. Learned rollerblades. Started capoeira. Also, I attended a playwriting workshop where I saw my script come to life as it was performed by actors online. I’m never bored!!
I met a few people online, too, from all walks of life through a platform called Lunchclub. I’ve been meeting at least two people every week since from all over the world. Like this lady from Australia, Bini Noble who used to be an IT director and decided to change careers into being a filmmaker in her mid-30s. This is the valuable advice she shared with me, “You can have the whole world. It doesn’t have to be just one thing. One decision doesn’t govern your entire life.” And that felt so enlightening!
In my journal, I drew a diagram — a mind map of all the possible things I can pursue in my life. Things that I like to do and not what other people tell me to. Now, I follow my guts to be more intentional with the steps that I take in my journey.
I learned love. And not the kind you have with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Love in its underrated forms. Love for family, for experiences — bad or good, for friends, for simple things like coffee while writing in the morning, for the possibility of learning so much more, and for having the privilege to even have this pause.
Love for all of life.
What a privilege! Being unemployed in this lockdown has allowed me to express my truth and discover my nature. The illusions around my decisions and relationships came crashing. It totally sucks but I’m taking it like the champ that I am.
Pause for the cause is an idiom that means to take a break from whatever you’re doing and take a hit. And right now, I am just high on life!
Everyone likes to celebrate working hard and rising up. And they want it quick.
What is all the rush?
Learn to appreciate the easy phases of life.
The downs to the ups. The ebbs to the flow. The yin to the yang. The pause to the play.
Such is the rhythm of life.
Make time to pause for the cause.
Have you checked in with yourself lately?
Even for just a moment.. talk to yourself. Listen to your gut feelings.
Am I doing something I enjoy?
Is this decision from me or from society?
How am I loving myself lately?
