Still u in the end
Koi no yokan (“ 恋の予感 “) — that sense where you just know the two of you will fall in love.
This is what I felt that night under the red and gold lanterns.
Every day, your warmth I sought for. Bit by bit, you opened up your world. From that timid, egg-shelled creature to the wonderful, vibrant sunflower whom everyone adores.
I was stupid and just glad you laughed at my jokes. You tell me of your past, your family and friends — undeserving, I didn’t know what that was.
Outshined by the glow that you generously offered. All I knew was I wanted to be around you. And at moments, hope they prolonged, hug you.
You’ve seen me in ways family and friends haven’t. We went places I have never taken anyone to. Made memories I can never recreate. I let myself be vulnerable to you and felt things that were only with you.
Life hit me. When it did, I clung onto things that other people say were gonna be good for me.
Work that was substandard. Degree which I never enjoyed taking. Friends who now lead their own lives. Goals that didn’t stem from purpose and meaning.
I chose but none that had truly mattered.
Sometimes, I wish to have had everything in life early on — all the riches, work, purpose, and all that life needs.
Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t so limited in ability and view.
Sometimes I wish these realizations came through a premonition like a heads up.
So I could freely make the choice to keep you when I had the chance to.
I was not ready to receive you but I truly loved you in ways I knew how to..
“Seeing someone else now..”
I thought do you have to. I have to get to work, can it wait? Okay..
Maybe it’s not me that's for you. I just wish you happy, pipo.
I wasn’t ready, I knew that. I was a bum who didn’t learn to cherish things I realize now could, in time, perish. Moments. Family. Popipo.
We did happen.. and we could happen.
So go on!!
Maybe we are just on our path. Maybe we have to go through all this and that.
I am still not worthy. I believe I am still in the process of becoming me.
Someday, there will come a time.. when we purposefully live our lives,.. when we fully realize our potential,.. when we just truly enjoy who we are..
Perhaps, then is an ideal reunion.
I hope that one day, our paths will cross. Our eyes meet and we smile. We laugh and chat like time didn’t part us away.
Our story continues..
This time, we know better. This time, we yearn forever. This time, we choose each other.
Until then, I’ll keep on growing. I’ll follow my freedom. I’ll go after what feels good and discover my own wonders. Be true to who I am and learn all expressions of love.
Till, will always hold on to your note.
I hope it’s still you in the end too.
