You’re not a bad student
Why carefree students would rather skip class.
I was a major bum in college. This is a story I awkwardly giggle about while sharing. Not something I’m proud of. But also not something I’m remorseful about.
Doing enough just to pass — 1.0 is all I need. Any more would just be wasted effort. I would find myself doing all sorts of other stuff — martial arts, improv, surfing, conferences in the area of arts, humanities, and social science. I was taking up engineering — 5 years of science & math and some things I hardly recall now. Kept looking elsewhere. The degree only had 1 block every year and I wasn’t even friends with any of them. I guess there were a few I became familiar with but not close enough for them to know anything real about me. Whenever I could, I would cross enroll in classes in the college of liberal arts, business or science. People there were different and interesting. Not that engineering folks aren’t. But people in other colleges seemed to enjoy what they do more which makes them interesting. You just know they made the choice themselves.
On filling up the sheet for the top 3 degree choices, that engineering degree was the only one I wrote down. World really was so narrow then. Tatay is an engineer and Mama is a math teacher. It seemed like the obvious choice. I made a compromise where I negotiated to live away from them but still take that degree. I never enjoyed it but just did well enough to get through it. I figure I would be happy when I finish.
Nope, getting that degree did not bring joy. Graduation seemed like a release from all that — cathartic. Like a relief from a phase of my life I hated waking up to. Like freedom from an abusive situation I wonder why I had to go through. 5 fucking years man! Years of sitting through classes I’d have to try so hard to care about. Years of trying to understand things I know I’ll never make use of.
Years of living 2 different lives. One that was of struggle I put myself through for a major block of my everyday. Of compliance to assignments that only looked good to society. A choice made so parents would be proud. The other was somewhere I just somehow find myself walking into eagerly. It was all smiles and to-dos would just flow. Something I craved to do even when it was just a few hours at the end of my passive life everyday.
It’s worth it because my parents celebrated, I tell myself. I convince myself. But what do I do now? — is something I’m asking. Go through years of that again? Damn, years of pretending so I could finally do what I actually want?
To students who skip class and don’t really feel it.
You’re not unmotivated. Right now is just a position that you don’t wholeheartedly like. You’re not dumb. It’s just not something you’d willingly study for. You’re not a bum. Just a day filled with activities you’re not happy doing. Don’t invalidate what you’re feeling now. You really don’t have to go through it. Trust me — I went through years of it. Don’t listen to your parents or anyone else for that matter. They’re only giving you advice from their limited view of success. Question them, go against it and trust yourself. Sheep in society is not who we are.
Never settle and find it.
There is that something for you, though. Follow your heart and let your feet take you to it. It’s gonna want to naturally go even if you have to skip that crappy class. Try things out and observe where your eyes glimmer with this different branch of knowledge. Go on with the search even if you take time — it’s way better than waiting to finish that degree you never wanted. There is no rush. Read books, talk to other people, try out other classes, find events or take an internship. Everyone’s got their own time. Take that risk. Most people don’t even bother looking. They are normies who didn’t fight hard enough for their desires. Discover that groove where your heart dances. It will be so worth it!
To be you.
This is the purpose of life. Know what you want and go fcking get it. This life is yours and nobody else’s. You’re the only hero in your own story — nobody’s coming. Define what success means to you and win it. Be honest with yourself because all that matters is the way that you are and how you see yourself. Express who you are and never shit with yourself. You deserve your dream so make it happen!
Create the life you want and love it.
